August and September flew by so quickly, and as I see it, September has so far been my least productive month in terms of writing.
October doesn't seem that great either. It's already the 15th and this is my 1st post for this month.
'Disappointed with myself' is an understatement, especially since I'm working on building my career on this.
I did manage to keep writing a few articles in between for the bilingual newspaper I'm writing for. And I managed to take part in a whole lot of activities in the past two months, which is what led to me falling out of sync with my writing.
Or so I would like to claim.
But the true reason as I know all too well is definitely procrastination.
When I stopped working full time, I had many plans on how to make this work. But right now, 3 months after, I hate to admit that I have not attempted even 50% of those.
The past 2 months made me learn a lot about myself and about my attitude towards being self-employed and handling my freedom from an eight-to-five job.
I had often wondered why many people preferred to work for someone, even if they didn't like the job much. Everywhere I look, people are constantly complaining about their bosses, coworkers or the nature of their jobs.
Then why, I wondered, do they still take the trouble to stick with it through so much unhappiness? Is it just for financial security?
I couldn't stand being in that situation, despite the many commitments I had financially, which is what prompted me to quit my eight-to-five. Being stuck in the same position for close to 4 years, and handling the disappointment of fake promises for a better position in the MNC multiple times drove me to try my luck with freelance writing.
Opportunities are endless, truth be told, and by now I could have started earning a decent amount if only I had put in that kind of effort to make it work. Instead I allowed myself to be rather distracted by the freedom I was enjoying and signed up for one too many activities during the festive season here.
In essence I was there for everyone else except myself. If I want to, I can fool myself by telling myself (and others, as well) that I was going through a pretty rough time. But that wouldn't have helped in solving anything, would it? Because, as is the case with any self employed person who possesses a reasonable amount of dignity and integrity, I should and I do know that I should not have allowed my personal life to mix with my professional life.
And now, as I look at the dwindling number of hits I'm receiving for my blog and other works, I sit here in a state of utter disappointment and disbelief at how irresponsible I have been.
In essence I was there for everyone else except myself. If I want to, I can fool myself by telling myself (and others, as well) that I was going through a pretty rough time. But that wouldn't have helped in solving anything, would it? Because, as is the case with any self employed person who possesses a reasonable amount of dignity and integrity, I should and I do know that I should not have allowed my personal life to mix with my professional life.
And now, as I look at the dwindling number of hits I'm receiving for my blog and other works, I sit here in a state of utter disappointment and disbelief at how irresponsible I have been.
So, I refuse to blame anyone else or even circumstances in life, for where I am right now. After days of beating myself up for it, and finally accepting the fact that I'm not really getting anywhere with it, I've decided that the best thing I can do right now is just accept the mistake I made, learn from it and remember to not repeat it.
And that... takes a great deal of self control and self motivation. God help me.
And that... takes a great deal of self control and self motivation. God help me.
